Funny Quotes about Sex and Marriage
“My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects.”~ Anonymous“It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.”~ Matt Barry“Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says 'You're only interested in one thing, & you can't remember what it is.”~ Milton Berle“Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet.”~ Mae West“The main problem in marriage is that for a man sex is a hunger like eating. If the man is hungry and can’t get to a fancy French restaurant, he goes to a hot dog stand. For a woman, what is important is love and romance.”~ Joan Fontaine“Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.”~ Rod StewartView a related post about Funny Dating Quotes.
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Funny Quotes about Sex and Money
“When a guy goes to a hooker, he's not paying her for sex, he's paying her to leave.”~ Anonymous“When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute.”~ Anonymous“Money it turned out, was exactly like sex, you thought of nothing else if you didn't have it and thought of other things if you did.”~ James Arthur Baldwin“The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.”~ Brendan Behan“I have never liked bargains when it came to sex.”~ Hedy Lemarr“Sex is like money; only too much is enough.”~ John Updike“Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy.”~ Steve MartinView a related post about Funny Dating Quotes.
View a related post about Funny Sex Quotes.
You might also be interested in The Professional Bachelor Dating GuideYou might also be interested in A Celebration of Sex: A Guide to Enjoying God's Gift of Sexual Intimacy
Funny Quotes about Sex
- "Wanna fuck?"
- "Looks like you talked me into it, you sweet-talking bastard"~ An Australian Joke"I believe that sex is the most beautiful, natural and wholesome thing that money can buy."~ Steve Martin"Sex is like money; only too much is enough."~ John Updike"My wife and i have Olympic sex. Once every four years."~ Rodney Dangerfield"My wife told me she wanted to have sex in the back seat of the car. She wanted me to drive."~ Rodney Dangerfield"I remember the first time i had sex because i kept the receipt."~ Bill Brandis"Men are like firemen. To us, sex is an emergency, and no matter wht we're doing, we can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They're very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur."~ Jerry Seinfeld"The three words you don't wanna hear, while you're making love are, 'Honey, I'm home.'"~ Ken Hammond"You know the look women get when they want sex? Me neither."~ Drew Carey"What do i know about sex? I'm a married man."~ Tom Clancy"There are a number of mechanical devices that increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes 380SL convertible."~ P.J. O' Rourke"My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects."~ Les Dawson"My boyfriend used to say, 'I read Playboy for the articles.' Right, and i go to shopping malls for the music."~ Rita Rudner"Is sex dirty? Only if it’s done right."~Woody Allen“I’m such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.”~ Woody Allen
“I'm a terrible lover. I've actually given a woman an anti-climax.”~ Scott RoebenView a related post about Funny Dating Quotes.
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